My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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