id be glad to
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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