he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
