also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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