I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bring me that man meat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
