hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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