dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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