I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
