So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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