Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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