She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
