dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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