I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
