Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
