People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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