This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
