You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
