You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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