I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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