You work out of a Hotel?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
