I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
