I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
