I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
