Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
