Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
