saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In America we eat man semen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
