break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
