I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
