Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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