I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I cockslap morals
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
