I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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