It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
