I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I AM VODKA MAN
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
