look no pants
Where did you get a picture of my penis
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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