If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
vagina is talking i cant
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
