He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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