xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
