If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
