Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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