Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
