Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
