theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
