i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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