At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
