At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
