I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
