So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
