Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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