My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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