i permit you to call me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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