I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
