Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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