pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
